It's the End of the World As We Know It...

There's a lot of gloom and doom in the news these days, and it seems to have permeated public and private thinking. The national debt is climbing steadily skyward, employment is low, the economy has not begun to recover, gas and grocery prices are up, tax revenues are down. With little hope of stemming the tide of debt or collecting sufficient taxes to cover our overgrown budget, our nation's credit rating has dropped. (Is it any wonder? I wouldn't loan us money either.) Add to that spring floods in parts of the country and droughts in other areas, both resulting in loss of crops. Tent cities are popping up in urban areas, and we are teetering on the brink of a depression. Why, not since the Dust Bowl days have we seen anything like it! The sky really is falling! It's the end of the world as we know it!

And I feel fine.

All my life I've seen the crises come and go. To anyone who has studied history, it is obvious that this is not unique to the modern world. There truly is nothing new under the sun. Natural disasters happen. Wars are fought. Governments and their leaders come and go. Civilizations and their economies are built and crumble again into nothing. Individuals manage to survive and even prosper in the midst of crises. Others are less fortunate. Still the world keeps right on spinning, despite the uncertainty of our times--of all times.

When there is no pressing world or national crisis or when we have exhausted our exploration of those topics, we like to invent personal obstacles for ourselves. I freely admit that I myself am prone to navel gazing and obsessing over personal flaws and private dramas. If we aren't creative or introspective enough to invent our own dilemmas, there is always someone willing to provide a new reason for neurosis. Are you aware of the dangers of genetically modified foods? Want to keep your children from being infected by the poison of this evil world? Protect them from pop music, television, and, most importantly, public school! Perhaps you'd better stick with home church as well. It's better not to trust anyone.

Now, I know what you're saying. "Wait a minute lady, didn't you homeschool? Don't you have a Bible fellowship in your home? Didn't you post an article about GMO foods on Facebook???"

All these things are true. It is not my intention to criticize people who homeschool, home church, or want to eat better. However, I would ask that everyone question their own motives for the choices they make. There are valid reasons for making all of these choices, but too often they are made out of fear. Fear is no way to make the decisions that guide your life. It will always complicate matters, compromise your judgement, and hold you back.

Beyond that, fear is not an appropriate motivation for Christians to have, yet I often see Christians running around screaming that the sky is falling. Sometimes they spend so much time worrying and crying out about the state of our country or our food or our children's education that they have less time to develop their relationship and walk with God. I have even seen homeschool parents who become so involved in telling everyone else why they should homeschool and how that they take time away from teaching their own children.

What it boils down to is that we do not trust God.

We do not trust God when He says that we are saved by grace and not by works (Ephesians 2:8-9), so we impose rules that do not come from God on ourselves and others. This is the function of religion and not of true faith.

We do not trust God to take care of us as Matthew 6:25-34 says He will. Instead we worry about the fate or our nation (which we have made a kind of god) and the economy and the stock market and the debt ceiling and our credit rating.

Rather than praying and giving thanks for our food while doing our reasonable best to make healthy choices, we worry about where it comes from, what went into it, and how it will slowly kill us.

When will we learn to live in God and put our trust in Him? That is the goal I'm working toward. That is what keeps me steady and unafraid in the midst of these turbulent and tumultuous times.

How excellent [is] thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings. Psalm 36:7

Behold, God [is] my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH [is] my strength and [my] song; he also is become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

The sun was setting over Avalon
The last time we stood in the west
Suffering long time angels enraptured by Blake
Burn out the dross innocence captured again

Standing on the beach at sunset all the boats
All the boats keep moving slow
In the glory of the flashing light in the evenings glow

When will I ever learn to live in God?
When will I ever learn?
He gives me everything I need and more
When will I ever learn?

You brought it to my attention everything that was made in God
Down through centuries of great writings and paintings
Everything lives in God
Seen through architecture of great cathedrals
Down through the history of time
Is and was in the beginning and evermore shall be

When will I ever learn to live in God?
When will I ever learn?
He gives me everything I need and more
When will I ever learn?

Whatever it takes to fulfill his mission
That is the way we must go
But you've got to do it your own way
Tear down the old, bring up the new

And up on the hillside its quiet
Where the shepherd is tending his sheep
And over the mountains and the valleys
The countryside is so green
Standing on the highest hill with a sense of wonder
You can see everything is made in God
Head back down the roadside and give thanks for it all

When will I ever learn to live in God?
When will I ever learn?
He gives me everything I need and more
When will I ever learn?

Point Me in the Direction of Albuquerque

This morning we packed Jo off in the little green Saturn and pointed her in the direction of Albuquerque.

So far she has suffered a cracked windshield (just replaced last month) in Texas thanks to a passing semi and the embarrassment of locking her keys in the car in New Mexico. Not too bad. According to her latest Facebook status update, she should be in Albuquerque now, where she is staying at the house of a family friend.


Only one of the three songs above is good. No, that's not entirely true. I suspect if you took the vocals out of one of them, the instrumental portion would be very nice on it's own. Neil Young is a major whiner.

I really don't understand this situation. Albuquerque is a pretty cool place. It seems like there should be a more worthy song about it.

Bright and early tomorrow morning, which is probably noonish in our Jo's estimation, she will head towards her next goal: Bakersfield, California.

Wait, is Dwight Yoakam not wearing pants in that photo??? Made you look. Either that or you were already thinking it.

I think I like this one.

Is this not the prettiest human skull you've seen?

This is such a kick, watching The Stones sing with southern accents. It makes Mick Jagger do some even stranger than usual things with his lips.

From Bakersfield, she'll have a shorter day's drive to Los Gatos where she'll be living for the next year.

Oops, that's about Los Gatos Canyon, which is some distance from the town of Los Gatos, but I thought it was interesting anyway, particularly since Jo is not flying there. She also is not an illegal immigrant, in case you were wondering. It is the only song I could find about either Los Gatos, though. Plus, I like to maintain a balance perspective and I've been spending too much time with Atlas Shrugged.

There are too many California songs to list, although Wikipedia does, without videos. Monterey is only about an hour away from Los Gatos, however, and The 1967 Monterey Pop Festival was part of rock history, according to the description attached to this video.

I actually prefer this more familiar song written to promote the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival. Okay, so neither is a huge favorite, but I do like the idea of wearing flowers in your hair.

I may talk more in a future post about why Jo is moving to California, but I think every trip deserves a soundtrack.

What journeys have you made this summer, actual or symbolic? What music would you include in the soundtrack for your travels?

Notes to Self

(What she wrote in response to a post by the Keeper of the Eggshells)

What she would say to her 21-year-old self:
You don't always have to wait. Sometimes you can have it both ways. It may just take a little extra work and determination with some compromise thrown in to get what you want. Sometimes if you wait there will be time to follow your dreams later, but don't wait too long. Run down your dreams, even if you have to chase them in bits and pieces, a little at a time. Maybe your dreams will change and maybe not, but always keep a dream in your heart.

What she says to her almost twice as old self:
The things that caused you to wait were worth it, even if waiting was not as necessary as you thought. It is late, but it is never too late. What will you do today? How will you start to follow your dreams? Well then, start.

Sometimes she even follows her own advice. As of today, she is a college student. Junior college, part time only for now. Baby steps but steps forward nonetheless. That particular wait is over. And, to her utter amazement, she somehow tested into College Algebra. Will wonders never cease?

Prayer Is Mightier Than the Pen

Perhaps I made the situations in my life that I can't write about sound too dire yesterday. If I told you, likely you would laugh. Okay, maybe you wouldn't laugh, but you would wonder about me. I am not really a drama queen. With so many more serious things happening in the world and even to friends of mine, I certainly don't have much to complain about. In fact I am quite blessed.

But when you're tempted by the fears you've never given name to or allowed to surface and your most vulnerable places are exposed, when the tool you've relied on to work through your fear and inadequacies and failures is not available to you, the burden becomes quite heavy.

Thankfully, writing is not the only (or even the best) weapon in my arsenal. One benefit I've seen to this difficult period of my life and not being able to write about so many things that were happening is that I began to rely heavily on prayer for the unburdening of my soul. Words always come easier to my fingers than my mouth, and it was such a release to be able to tell someone without worrying about fumbling over spoken words.

I have never had much trouble trusting God to supply for my basic, physical needs, and He always has, often coming through in amazing ways when it seemed most unlikely and even impossible. Learning to trust God and seek answers from Him in regard to how to deal with situations that arise or relationships with other people or the action and direction I should take in my life is not so easy for me. As I began to pray for the right words to say at the right time and the correct actions to take in these situations, I found that I was able to speak and act. I may not have been able to fix everything on my own--that required other people to make the right choices as well--but I was better able to deal with those situations and take appropriate action rather than reacting based on emotion and fear. Not only that, but, in the midst of my personal storm, I had peace and assurance that I could make it through.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

I Peter 5:7

The past year has been a difficult one. There are still challenges ahead. Whether I can write about those challenges or not, I will remember to pray first, and I will replace fear with faith.

Lacing Up: Little Nikes

Once upon a time there lived a girl (who perhaps was too old to still be called a girl, but it is never wise to suggest such things) who needed to write. The reasons for this need were several but could basically be reduced to her desire to remain sane--or at least keep the crazy under control.

It seemed such a simple thing to do. All that was required was for her to lace up her mental trainers and Just. Do. It. Such a snappy little slogan, but it was never so easy for her to put into practice. Why was it she always found it so difficult to strike that balance between her inner life and the world? In would rush the world at just the moment she became inspired or had deep thoughts on which to think and write and she would find herself mourning the time lost for silent walks and the lack of poetry in her life. Once the habit was broken, the momentum lost, it was always hard to regain.

Sometimes the mundane realities of life--the housework, the bills to pay, the children to raise and feed--pulled her away and left her too weary to think at the end of the day. At other times her own disorganized and distracted brain was the enemy. Then, too, there were times when life pressed hard upon her, shoving her down, and her favorite tool for fighting it--her pen--had to be laid aside because the stories she needed to tell did not belong to her alone. Those were the darkest times for her. She still had hope and faith. There was still that light for her, but she had to explore other methods of therapy outside of writing. She had to learn to say out loud the things she felt could be written but should never be spoken, and this took something more than she knew she had, even if she only said them to those she trusted most.

True, she could have chosen to write quietly, hiding her words away in a diary or stashing them in some secret file, but the words never seemed real to her when they were locked away like that. And what is the point if the words aren't real?

In all those dark months, she suspected there would be a time when the stories which did not belong to her would fade into the distance and those filling her mind would again belong only to her. She hoped there would be happy endings for them all and new beginnings, too. Still, she knew that each must be free to choose how his story will go, and that knowledge alone gave her strength and courage to press forward on her own path.

And now here she is, lacing up her writing shoes, putting one word in front of the other, forcing herself back into the race. Because she must. Because she may.

April Is

The Other Side of Nowhere

On the other side of nowhere,
Lies an infinite expanse,
Of anything and everything
That doesn't make much sense.
I'm in here, and you're out there;
The picture keeps rewinding.

People laughing, crying, feeling...
I do not understand.
It's almost there within my reach;
But on the other hand,
I'm sliding, slithering, slowly slipping...
The tide has turned, and left the beach.

Pressing onward, pushing hard,
I cannot quit; I must move on.
My ragged feet have timeless trod
A land before, that lies beyond
Behind, sideways, and forward;
Strange and weird, bizarre and odd.

Shimmering meadows glazed in fog...
I see what others cannot hear.
My mindless mind is almost bare;
I stretch beyond Horizon's pier,
Precariously tottering on a log,
On the other side of nowhere...

by Frank George

Hello from my own other side of nowhere! Today is the first day of both National Poetry Month and National Autism Awareness Month. What better way to kick off both than with a poem about autism by someone who is autistic? I found the poem above a few days ago on this site.

Now, I know some of you think today is all about (im)practical jokes and other such tomfoolery, but I don't recognize that holiday. I love a good joke or prank, and I do enjoy the mocked up news stories, but too many people have carried it too far. And honestly, your jokes aren't funny and I'm not fooled. So just quit already. If it weren't for the fact that April 1st begins a month of awareness for two things I am passionate about (poetry and autism, that is), it would be the most annoying day of the year.

Ahem. So, back to what this day is really about. First of all, National Autism Awareness Month. You can read more about it here. Secondly, National Poetry Month. You can find out more about that here. Also, April 14 is Poem In Your Pocket Day, but you don't have to wait until the 14th to carry a poem in your pocket. You can start today and find a new poem for each day if you like. Print the poem above and carry it in your pocket if you like. It was written by an autistic man, but it rings true for me. I feel I've been there before--many times.

That's the beauty of poetry. Poetry is self expression, but good poetry is more. Good poetry ties us all together and helps us see how connected we are. No matter how different we sometimes think we are, we all share some things. Poetry helps us celebrate (and sometimes mourn) both our similarities and our differences and what it is to be human. It helps us understand one another.

How fitting then that National Autism Awareness Month should fall during National Poetry Month. The world could use a lot more understanding. Let this April be a reminder to work harder to understand others and celebrate the paradox of our amazing diversity and astonishing sameness.

And remember to carry a poem in the secret pocket of your heart and a song in your mouth. Always.

Do you have any favorite poems? What poem or poems speak most to you? What is the poem that fits you best right now? What poem is the theme of your life and heart?

In Which the Mouse Envies the Eagle

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
from To a Mouse by Robert Burns

Not to worry, neither mouse nor mouse house was harmed in the writing of this post. I only post these lines as a means of making excuse for yet another prolonged absence from blogging--and that after such grand plans and promises.

The truth of the matter is that I've never been very good at organizing my time, and I have not figured out how to do all the things I used to do before I worked in the time left in my day after work. Evenings I have just enough energy to do the necessary household chores, cook dinner, and fall asleep watching TV. (Our latest addiction has been Prison Break. Now there's an example of best laid schemes gone awry!) Weekends feel like an endless game of catch up. Even extra days off don't seem to afford me enough time. Someone or something is always there to make demands on that time.

I know. I'm such a whiner! This is what most people experience for most of their adult lives. I guess I'm not very good at being a grownup. Really I'm not complaining, though. I like my job and the people I work with. I feel I'm doing something good and truly worthwhile. I love my family. I'm thankful for my home. There are just so many things I'd like to do, and time just keeps on slippin'...

So, there it is, yet another apology post. As if anyone really cares. But I have so many things to say--about service and so much more. There has to be a way to balance it all somehow--to do what is necessary to live and still have time for service to others as well as what I need to feed my own soul. I won't quit trying, but I think I need to accept that, for now, I cannot promise to post regularly, even when I have a topic I feel I could write about endlessly.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'll see ya when I see ya, internet peeps. And although I still recommend you steer clear of Garrison Keillor-style poetic elocution, "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch." I'll be out here somewhere with Burns and The Steve Miller Band, Pink Floyd and Wordsworth vying for air time on my brain waves.